Every time I fall into mom guilt, I visit one of the best parenting blogs, this one in particular, and now it has become my go-to place for parenting guidance and inspiration.
And whenever I do, I’m an altogether different mom… one who emits happy and positive vibes!
The author, Raluca, is an amazing mom to a five-year-old sweet boy who knows how to channel love and empathy we all have for our kids into an actual amazing relationship.
Imagine what THAT can do for our children as they grow?
Her advice is very hands-on. For example, she will even tell you the exact words to use if your child won’t listen (and the amazing concept behind WHY they don’t.)
This post contains affiliate links.
I often leave Raluca’s blog with tears in my eyes. Or with the metaphorical super mommy cape fluttering behind me. And I had wished for a long time how awesome it could be if she visits here and shares insights on her best positive parenting techniques and other mommy stuff.
She was kind enough to take out time for us so let’s chat with Raluca.
Tell us a little about you and your parenting journey. What led you to become ‘parenting’ centered? Especially in the midst of so many pressing matters. Like housework, health, finances, marriage etc that take over a stay-at-home mom’s life. In that context, also tell us about your parenting blog playful notes (dot) com.
After my son was born, I felt very overwhelmed with all the changes that were going on in my life. I was trying to do everything (taking care of my baby all the time, being a good wife, managing all the household tasks, and so on) and I was failing because I felt completely exhausted. It took me a while to find a balance and understand that I need to set new priorities in my life.
For me, it has always been very important to build a close relationship with my son. I always wanted to be a gentle and loving mom for him, and this has been the biggest motivation in my parenting journey.
Discovering positive parenting and being able to find gentle solutions for every parenting struggle that I faced along the way had an amazing impact on my life.
This is why I wanted to share my experience with other moms, and I decided to start my blog. I wanted to write about the challenges that we face because I wanted other moms to know that they are not alone in their struggles. And most of all, I wanted to share the tips and ideas that helped me because I knew that they could help other parents as well.
I look up to you as an amazing PLAYFUL mom. Can you share any tips for overcoming the everyday hurdles to find the time (and energy!) for play.
I’m very glad that you asked this because this is a topic that I think many moms are struggling with, including me. Being a playful parent didn’t come naturally to me. But understanding how important play is for connecting with my son motivated me to find ways to become a more playful mom.
One of the things that helped me the most was becoming more intentional about my schedule. I eliminated many of the tasks that were only adding stress, and I tried to simplify our life as much as I could.
Also, I make a connection a priority every day. Even if I have a very busy day and I can only spend half an hour of quality time with my son in the evening, I make sure that I don’t miss the chance to connect with him. This commitment to spending special time with him every single day had a great impact on our relationship.
This also inspired me to create the Playful Mom Toolkit and share the easy ideas that I use to connect with my son. No matter how busy we are, even 30 minutes of play and connection every day can make our kids feel loved and help us build a close relationship with them.
…understanding how important play is for connecting with my son motivated me to find ways to become a more playful mom.
What is the single most important thing that you think you have done/do differently that impacted your relationship with your son. Especially something you see struggling parents NOT doing? What is the biggest/ most common mistake around you wish you could change in how mothers parent their kids?
For me, motherhood turned up to be a lot more challenging than I ever imagined, so I faced many struggles along the way. And I also made plenty of mistakes!
But the one thing that helped me every single time was the fact that I never gave up looking for gentle solutions for my parenting challenges. I am a big believer in the power of positive parenting, and I would recommend it to every parent!
I think that many parents are tempted to use “traditional” ways of disciplining kids because we were raised that way and it’s very hard to “break” that cycle. But methods like spanking or punishments have a very negative impact in the long run and only make parenting more difficult and unpleasant.
This is why on my blog I always try to convince parents to try positive discipline with their kids. Because I know that it works and I’m convinced that it can have a great impact on their lives and on their children’s future!
Isn’t positive parenting ‘more’ work? Asking from the perspective of the overwhelmed/ worn out/ bored SAHM.
Positive parenting does involve a lot of effort and patience. But it also comes with great results if it’s implemented every day!
In the short run, it might seem easier to punish kids than to connect with them and help them improve their behavior in a gentle way. It might seem more efficient to send kids in a time-out than to sit down with them and discuss what happened.
But in the long run punishments and time-outs are only causing more negative behavior. This makes things more difficult for parents and causes more power struggles.
In my opinion, it’s better to invest more time in preventing difficult situations and building a strong relationship with our kids than spending the same amount of time dealing with negative behavior and engaging in endless power struggles.
Can you share your best advice on the first step(s) for a struggling mom? One who wants to form a positive connection with her child?
There are 3 steps that I would recommend to any mom who wants to build a positive connection with her kids. They made a big difference in my life, and I’m sure that they can bring more joy and connection to any family.
1 – Regulate your own emotions
As moms, we often feel tired or overwhelmed, and this can make us become angry more easily or have less patience with our kids. This makes children feel disconnected and misbehave, and their behavior triggers more anger and frustration. The only way to break this vicious cycle is for moms to regulate their own emotions and get more control over their reactions.
2 – Become more intentional about connecting with your child
Our busy schedules make it easy for us to get caught up in other tasks and have no more time (or energy) for play and connection. The easiest way to prevent this from happening is to make a commitment to spend quality time with our kids every day. Even if it’s just for 20 minutes after dinner. Having that special time with the kids is very important for building that strong relationship that every parent wants to have with their kids.
3 – Put connection before correction
The core principle of positive discipline is putting connection before correction. This means that when kids misbehave, it’s important to first connect with them and then address the issue. This is a very important aspect of building a positive connection with our kids! The moment when a child is having a difficult time is the moment when they most need our support! So making sure that we focus on the connection before correction is the foundation of building a strong and trustful relationship with our kids.
Tell us your secret time management tips. Especially because you also run a blog AND manage to find time to read books too (above everything else).
As a work-at-home mom, I only have a very limited amount of time for my projects. And I learned that setting clear priorities is the only way to make sure that I do the things that are the most important. Every day I try to set 3 priorities and only focus on them. I do my best to avoid distractions and use my time wisely. But there is still a lot of room for improvement.
My best advice for every mom who wants to manage her time better is to simplify everything. And let go of all the things that are not truly important to her.
(Since Raluca’s interview, I took one action step in particular. I schedule at least 30 minutes of play time with my son daily now. I cross off each day’s accomplishment on his calendar so I can actually SEE how much conscious effort do I take to connect with him on a daily basis. Please do try this. I can already see how much happier my son is.)
Note: I’m very humbled that Raluca agreed for this interview. Apart from her busy stay at home mom life and the workload of running a full-time blog online.
You can find her best tips here:
- www.playfulnotes.com
- Download her FREE Positive Discipline Toolkit
- Join her FREE Positive Connection Challenge
- Find her on Pinterest
- Email her at contact@playfulnotes.com
- Visit her online store The Playful Shop
Want to remember this? Click this link or the image below to save this ‘positive parenting’ post to your favorite KIDS Pinterest board.
Related:
JUNE 26, 2020 · LEAVE A COMMENT
How To Make Kids Listen (Right Now!): 13 Respectful Ways
The annual Ultimate Homemaking Bundle 2020 is here for 5 days only! It includes 51 homemaking guides worth $1,200 (but 97% off only for a few days!). Read about my favorites + exclusive bonuses here!!>> LEARN MORE.
Sharing is caring!

Wondering how to make kids listen without yelling?
Then let me guess… your kids:
- zone out when you talk
- say no to everything you ask
- argue over everything you say
If you said yes to any (or all) of the above, I have some powerful and fast working tips for you to try. Most of these tips revolve around saying the right things in the right way. How easy is that?
Combine a few together and use them the next time you’re wondering how to make kids listen to you and to follow your instructions.
This post contains affiliate links.
1. WHISPER FOR INSTANT ATTENTION
Children get used to our regular thunderous commanding tones. So bring a twist into that and whisper the next time you want to say something.
When kids can’t hear what you are saying but the sound whisper sounds pique their curiosity, they will turn to look at you once at least.
Also, you can use this technique when your child starts arguing about doing the work they are supposed to do. The louder he gets, the slower you go. Because in order to understand your response to their reasoning, they will have to tune into what it is that you are saying, and eventually slow down their own pitch too.
2. GIVE DIRECTIONS ONLY ONCE TO AVOID GETTING REPEATEDLY IGNORED
When we keep repeating ourselves, we are training our child that they have many chances before it’s finally time to answer and we don’t really mean it until it’s the fourth time.
Especially if you have made the same mistake as most of us do, repeating something multiple times before we give the final thundering ultimatum.
After learning about giving directions only once, I realized what a fool I made myself look like by repeatedly saying the same things.
Now I am deliberate about giving my instruction only once and I keep standing there looking intently at my son till he leaves what he was doing and gets up to follow through.
Sometimes I also mention the consequences.
For example, I would say, “Musa, it’s time to pick up your toys. Whatever is left on the floor after x minutes will get locked in the store.”
3. USE SHORT SIMPLE SENTENCES FOR BETTER COMPREHENSION
Little minds can easily get overwhelmed with multiple commands, long lectures, and complex sentences.

Use as few and simple words as possible when giving instructions. When they understand better, they are more likely to follow through.
You will find tons of examples of short and simple phrases for various situations in the Helpful Phrases Book.
4. WORK WITH THEIR LIMITED AWARENESS
Research shows that when a child is busy playing or doing an activity, they are not very aware of their surroundings. This is known in the world of child development as ‘limited peripheral awareness’.
So get down to their level, make eye contact, and make sure you have their attention before you give your instructions.
5. ACKNOWLEDGE AND VALIDATE TO WIN THEIR HEART
I read a beautiful quote in my go-to parenting books that says,
“What every young child would tell us, if they could, is to please hold onto them, not take their actions personally, and to love them despite their immaturity.”
Dr. Deborah MacNamara
Whenever I read it, my tense shoulders go down and I feel a sense of calm understanding and stewardship towards my son as his mother and guide.
Feeling understood trumps everything else in a child’s life. And this doesn’t have to be hard.
You can make your child feel understood by matter-of-factly describing whatever it is that your child is feeling or doing at that moment.
Here’san example,
This is hard. You don’t want to share your toys with your baby sister. You wish she would leave the toy room.
This method works so fast your child’s emotional tank will fill to the brim within minutes but remember,
No questions, no judgments or teaching. Just observations.
The Helpful Phrases Book also includes sample phrases for 15 different kinds of situations.

Also, make sure to repeat this method for a couple of minutes several times throughout the day.
All you need is a few minutes and an empathetic heart but the results will be way better.
6. MAKE IT FUN
I used to tell my son to do his tasks in a very firm thunderous tone until I realised that is so unnecessary. It comes from the mindset that he is going to refuse me so I need to be firm.
But if we use our creativity, there are so many fun ways like using puppets or creating sons to get children to do something. I constantly remind myself that the feelings are contagious.
If you want your kids to be happy as they go about with their day, model it.
7. SUPPORT THE TRANSITION
Just like us, when kids are in the middle of something, it is very irritating for them to pull away from it.
I have learned to always let my son know what is about to happen shortly ahead of time.
For example, I tell him you can play for ten more minutes and then we will go to the bathroom to brush your teeth.
I can bet if I suddenly asked him to stop playing because he has to brush his teeth, he won’t cooperate.
8. STEP INTO THEIR WORLD
Wondering how to get a child to listen and follow directions when all they want to do is play play and play?
I know, we, on the other hand, don’t really like playing with toys anymore, especially when we have so much to do on our list.
But hear me out, friend.
All kids love and should love playing. This right here is their way of learning life skills, cooperation, focus, and creativity.
Playing with your child doesn’t have to be a long and a formal session. Just set 10 minutes/day. And if you promise to do it for 5 days in a row, I can also promise that you will see a remarkable change in their listening and cooperation abilities.
9. KEEP THE MAGIC RATIO 5:1
As explained in the Helpful Phrases Book, the concept of the magic ratio is based on the ideas of Dr. Gottman’s theory of balance. This theory says that for every one negative interaction, there have to be five positive interactions to keep the relationship between parents and kids healthy.

(This also gives me a clue why they are happier to see their dad than me. Because he is around for a shorter while and the only interactions they have are positive while all the messy work is our job.
But now we do know the magic ratio for keeping relationships with kids healthy! winks)
10. REDUCE COMMANDS WITH ROUTINES
Routines help us limit the number of times we give them commands in a day. As your child continues to do a task daily around the same time in the same place, over time they get used to and need lesser directions from us.
Related: How To Make A Stress-Free Morning Routine For Kids (+Sample & Chart)
So stick with routines and rhythms until they become so automatic you really don’t need to go through power struggles everyday.
Related: A Stay At Home Mom Schedule For When You Hate Routines (+Template)
I see this power of a routine so cleaarly when I tell my son he has to brush his teeth, he knows he needs to go to the bathroom because over the years that is what we have always done.
But when I tell him that he needs to finish his snack, he doesn’t know where to go, on the couch? on the floor? at the table? This is simply my fault for letting him eat his snacks anywhere. Often newer places grab his attention more and he ends up neglecting his snack too.
11. MODEL RESPECTFUL LISTENING
How do you respond to your child when you’re busy on the phone or in the kitchen as they try to show you their new creative work.
Model the kind of behavior you expect from them if we want them to listen to us and behave well and respect us.
12. FIND THE ‘YES’
When we tell our kids not to do something, they understand that, but then don’t really always know what to do instead. Instead of focusing on the do not’s, focus on what they can do, the behavior we are expecting from them
For example instead of saying don’t touch the cake, try saying keep your hands to yourself.
Positive phrases make it much easier to discipline a child and deal with their issues in a less charged atmosphere.
Keep the no, stop and can’ts for when you really really need it.
13. HOW TO MAKE KIDS LISTEN WHEN YOU’RE ABOUT TO LOSE YOUR PATIENCE
We have all been there.
We all want to know just how to make kids listen without yelling or exploding.
But recently, I’ve started using this method.
I immediately change my lens. I try to enter his rapidly pounding heart and empathize with how helpless, fearful, and confused my sweet boy must be feeling.
I remind myself that he is still building his logic. All he has working for himself is his emotions. I need to use them to steer him in the right way.
That there is always a better way of dealing with behaviors.
And my bubbling anger immediately calms down.
This is not how I always react but I’m learning.
Putting quotes around the house and regularly reminding myself that his happiness and well-being is what I want most, is helping too.
Related: Positive Affirmations For Moms Who Need Encouragement (+Free Daily Motivational Cards)
This change in my behavior immediately puts his own guards down too.
WANT MORE TIPS ON HOW TO MAKE KIDS LISTEN?
If you want to use helpful phrases that actually get you heard without repeating, yelling, and giving up, then below is a great book I use in my own daily life and would strongly recommend you read too.
I want all my friends, my sister, and the special young moms I know to read it at least once.
The author‘s wisdom behind the phrases in this book will change your child’s relationship with you altogether.
Click HERE or the image below to learn more.

DO YOU KNOW ANY SECRET TIPS ON HOW TO GET KIDS TO LISTEN WITHOUT YELLING OR PUNISHING?
Share in the comments below and let’s help one another out.
GET ACCESS TO MY FREE LIBRARY!
Subscribe to my newsletter with updates and tips PLUS get instant access to the password of my secret resource library with ALL of my other free printables! Once subscribed, I will send you a newsletter with details about my new freebies each week. SUBSCRIBE
Sharing is caring!
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JUNE 26, 2020 · LEAVE A COMMENT
How To Make Kids Listen (Right Now!): 13 Respectful Ways
The annual Ultimate Homemaking Bundle 2020 is here for 5 days only! It includes 51 homemaking guides worth $1,200 (but 97% off only for a few days!). Read about my favorites + exclusive bonuses here!!>> LEARN MORE.
Sharing is caring!

Wondering how to make kids listen without yelling?
Then let me guess… your kids:
- zone out when you talk
- say no to everything you ask
- argue over everything you say
If you said yes to any (or all) of the above, I have some powerful and fast working tips for you to try. Most of these tips revolve around saying the right things in the right way. How easy is that?
Combine a few together and use them the next time you’re wondering how to make kids listen to you and to follow your instructions.
This post contains affiliate links.
1. WHISPER FOR INSTANT ATTENTION
Children get used to our regular thunderous commanding tones. So bring a twist into that and whisper the next time you want to say something.
When kids can’t hear what you are saying but the sound whisper sounds pique their curiosity, they will turn to look at you once at least.
Also, you can use this technique when your child starts arguing about doing the work they are supposed to do. The louder he gets, the slower you go. Because in order to understand your response to their reasoning, they will have to tune into what it is that you are saying, and eventually slow down their own pitch too.
2. GIVE DIRECTIONS ONLY ONCE TO AVOID GETTING REPEATEDLY IGNORED
When we keep repeating ourselves, we are training our child that they have many chances before it’s finally time to answer and we don’t really mean it until it’s the fourth time.
Especially if you have made the same mistake as most of us do, repeating something multiple times before we give the final thundering ultimatum.
After learning about giving directions only once, I realized what a fool I made myself look like by repeatedly saying the same things.
Now I am deliberate about giving my instruction only once and I keep standing there looking intently at my son till he leaves what he was doing and gets up to follow through.
Sometimes I also mention the consequences.
For example, I would say, “Musa, it’s time to pick up your toys. Whatever is left on the floor after x minutes will get locked in the store.”
3. USE SHORT SIMPLE SENTENCES FOR BETTER COMPREHENSION
Little minds can easily get overwhelmed with multiple commands, long lectures, and complex sentences.

Use as few and simple words as possible when giving instructions. When they understand better, they are more likely to follow through.
You will find tons of examples of short and simple phrases for various situations in the Helpful Phrases Book.
4. WORK WITH THEIR LIMITED AWARENESS
Research shows that when a child is busy playing or doing an activity, they are not very aware of their surroundings. This is known in the world of child development as ‘limited peripheral awareness’.
So get down to their level, make eye contact, and make sure you have their attention before you give your instructions.
5. ACKNOWLEDGE AND VALIDATE TO WIN THEIR HEART
I read a beautiful quote in my go-to parenting books that says,
“What every young child would tell us, if they could, is to please hold onto them, not take their actions personally, and to love them despite their immaturity.”
Dr. Deborah MacNamara
Whenever I read it, my tense shoulders go down and I feel a sense of calm understanding and stewardship towards my son as his mother and guide.
Feeling understood trumps everything else in a child’s life. And this doesn’t have to be hard.
You can make your child feel understood by matter-of-factly describing whatever it is that your child is feeling or doing at that moment.
Here’san example,
This is hard. You don’t want to share your toys with your baby sister. You wish she would leave the toy room.
This method works so fast your child’s emotional tank will fill to the brim within minutes but remember,
No questions, no judgments or teaching. Just observations.
The Helpful Phrases Book also includes sample phrases for 15 different kinds of situations.

Also, make sure to repeat this method for a couple of minutes several times throughout the day.
All you need is a few minutes and an empathetic heart but the results will be way better.
6. MAKE IT FUN
I used to tell my son to do his tasks in a very firm thunderous tone until I realised that is so unnecessary. It comes from the mindset that he is going to refuse me so I need to be firm.
But if we use our creativity, there are so many fun ways like using puppets or creating sons to get children to do something. I constantly remind myself that the feelings are contagious.
If you want your kids to be happy as they go about with their day, model it.
7. SUPPORT THE TRANSITION
Just like us, when kids are in the middle of something, it is very irritating for them to pull away from it.
I have learned to always let my son know what is about to happen shortly ahead of time.
For example, I tell him you can play for ten more minutes and then we will go to the bathroom to brush your teeth.
I can bet if I suddenly asked him to stop playing because he has to brush his teeth, he won’t cooperate.
8. STEP INTO THEIR WORLD
Wondering how to get a child to listen and follow directions when all they want to do is play play and play?
I know, we, on the other hand, don’t really like playing with toys anymore, especially when we have so much to do on our list.
But hear me out, friend.
All kids love and should love playing. This right here is their way of learning life skills, cooperation, focus, and creativity.
Playing with your child doesn’t have to be a long and a formal session. Just set 10 minutes/day. And if you promise to do it for 5 days in a row, I can also promise that you will see a remarkable change in their listening and cooperation abilities.
9. KEEP THE MAGIC RATIO 5:1
As explained in the Helpful Phrases Book, the concept of the magic ratio is based on the ideas of Dr. Gottman’s theory of balance. This theory says that for every one negative interaction, there have to be five positive interactions to keep the relationship between parents and kids healthy.

(This also gives me a clue why they are happier to see their dad than me. Because he is around for a shorter while and the only interactions they have are positive while all the messy work is our job.
But now we do know the magic ratio for keeping relationships with kids healthy! winks)
10. REDUCE COMMANDS WITH ROUTINES
Routines help us limit the number of times we give them commands in a day. As your child continues to do a task daily around the same time in the same place, over time they get used to and need lesser directions from us.
Related: How To Make A Stress-Free Morning Routine For Kids (+Sample & Chart)
So stick with routines and rhythms until they become so automatic you really don’t need to go through power struggles everyday.
Related: A Stay At Home Mom Schedule For When You Hate Routines (+Template)
I see this power of a routine so cleaarly when I tell my son he has to brush his teeth, he knows he needs to go to the bathroom because over the years that is what we have always done.
But when I tell him that he needs to finish his snack, he doesn’t know where to go, on the couch? on the floor? at the table? This is simply my fault for letting him eat his snacks anywhere. Often newer places grab his attention more and he ends up neglecting his snack too.
11. MODEL RESPECTFUL LISTENING
How do you respond to your child when you’re busy on the phone or in the kitchen as they try to show you their new creative work.
Model the kind of behavior you expect from them if we want them to listen to us and behave well and respect us.
12. FIND THE ‘YES’
When we tell our kids not to do something, they understand that, but then don’t really always know what to do instead. Instead of focusing on the do not’s, focus on what they can do, the behavior we are expecting from them
For example instead of saying don’t touch the cake, try saying keep your hands to yourself.
Positive phrases make it much easier to discipline a child and deal with their issues in a less charged atmosphere.
Keep the no, stop and can’ts for when you really really need it.
13. HOW TO MAKE KIDS LISTEN WHEN YOU’RE ABOUT TO LOSE YOUR PATIENCE
We have all been there.
We all want to know just how to make kids listen without yelling or exploding.
But recently, I’ve started using this method.
I immediately change my lens. I try to enter his rapidly pounding heart and empathize with how helpless, fearful, and confused my sweet boy must be feeling.
I remind myself that he is still building his logic. All he has working for himself is his emotions. I need to use them to steer him in the right way.
That there is always a better way of dealing with behaviors.
And my bubbling anger immediately calms down.
This is not how I always react but I’m learning.
Putting quotes around the house and regularly reminding myself that his happiness and well-being is what I want most, is helping too.
Related: Positive Affirmations For Moms Who Need Encouragement (+Free Daily Motivational Cards)
This change in my behavior immediately puts his own guards down too.
WANT MORE TIPS ON HOW TO MAKE KIDS LISTEN?
If you want to use helpful phrases that actually get you heard without repeating, yelling, and giving up, then below is a great book I use in my own daily life and would strongly recommend you read too.
I want all my friends, my sister, and the special young moms I know to read it at least once.
The author‘s wisdom behind the phrases in this book will change your child’s relationship with you altogether.
Click HERE or the image below to learn more.

DO YOU KNOW ANY SECRET TIPS ON HOW TO GET KIDS TO LISTEN WITHOUT YELLING OR PUNISHING?
Share in the comments below and let’s help one another out.
GET ACCESS TO MY FREE LIBRARY!
Subscribe to my newsletter with updates and tips PLUS get instant access to the password of my secret resource library with ALL of my other free printables! Once subscribed, I will send you a newsletter with details about my new freebies each week. SUBSCRIBE
Sharing is caring!
Table of Contents [show]« My Honest Ultimate Homemaking Bundle 2020 – 2021 Review
Leave a Reply
Logged in as Hena Bilal. Log out?
Comment
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Related: How To Make Kids Listen (Right Now!): 13 Respectful Ways
Hena, thank you so much for giving me the chance to answer these questions and share some of the things that I learned during my parenting journey! I hope that they will inspire other moms who face the same struggles and make motherhood a little bit easier! 🙂
Thank YOU so much, Raluca! My half-hour play sessions with my son are changing things at home magically. Knowing you continuously inspires me to be a better mother. I have so much respect and love for you. <3